I saw Hamburg tonight. Like a ghost, like an ex, she popped up when I least expected her. I saw Hamburg and it left me weak in the knees.


"Are you sure?"
"Is he really worth it?"
"Use protection!"
"It's really not all it's cracked up to be."
"Just lose it already."
"Honey, you're going to need a lot of lube."

A girl can only listen to just so much unsolicited and inapplicable sex advice before she wants to scream.